Saturday, April 14, 2007

A page from my heart...


You know what? It's O.K. to scrapbook a page without using any photographs. Sometimes we just have things to say. That's exactly what happened with this page. I have been planning it in my head since last June. I wrote a poem {maybe it's an essay ~ who knows} about my experience with a cancer diagnosis and going through chemotherapy. It was an experience that I will never forget, but I thought it was important to document my feelings as I completed that phase of my treatment. The poem is called "Today I Hate Cancer, but...". I shared it for the first time last month at a Ladies Retreat & decided it was finally time to put in my scrapbook. I know the scan is too small to read so I will include the poem here for you to read.
  • Supplies Used: Stamps: Stampin' Up! & Hero Arts; Cardstock: Stampin' Up! Shimmery White & KI Bazzill; Ink: Stampin' Up! Black Craft Pad & Staz-On Black; Other: Prisma Color Pencils, Gamsol, Blending Stumps, Making Memories Beads, Stickles, Glitter Pen.

Today, I Hate Cancer, but …
by Kendra Wietstock, June 2006

Today, I hate cancer.
I hate surgery, chemo & doctor appointments…endless amount of doctor appointments.
I hate that I can’t trust my body anymore.
I hate that it has robbed me of so much ~ my hair, my confidence, my trust in the future, my youth
I hate the physical changes it has made in my body
I hate that I am bald & have to wear a wig
I hate that I only have about 10 eyelashes
I hate that I can’t feel good about my body
I hate that I’m 40 and am being shot into the next stage of life
I hate it when people say I’m sick… I’M NOT SICK!
I hate when I hear people whine about how crappy their life is & how mad they are at God for it… If I can deal with it, so can you…Get over it!
I hate that I will have to worry about my daughter getting breast cancer
I don’t feel strong, courageous, or inspirational.
I hate how fragile and uncertain life seems right now
I hate that I will always fear this is going to come back.

Today, I hate Cancer…
but today, I also feel very blessed because…

There is medical treatment for my cancer that will keep me alive
I have doctors & a medical staff who care & my infusion nurses are fabulous
Chemo didn’t make me as sick as I feared it would
My hair & eyelashes will grow back (at least they tell me that)
I have a wig that I like & it’s sassy and I won’t have to use it forever
I have a husband who really cares about me and has never made me feel more loved AND he keeps me laughing. He is my friend and the love of my life.
I have friends and family who love me and
I’ve made new friends because of this experience.
I have learned that life isn’t always fair but your attitude about it is EVERYTHING – you just have to suck it up & move on
I’ve learned you just need to find the good in every situation
Maybe what I’m going through will help my friends, my sister, or my even my daughter – if that is the case, it makes this easier.
My confidence will return in time, I just need to learn what the new “normal” is now
And, my future – well it will just happen right before my eyes.
The part of me that has to plan everything, just needs to let go a little
If I do appear strong, courageous or inspiring – so be it. Maybe it helped someone through their own situation.
In time and with some patience, I will learn how to deal with the threat because I know God is in control and I need to just let him handle this.

I still hate Cancer and I always will…
but today maybe I can see that some good things can come out of this experience.

19 comments:

Cindy Lyles said...

This is awe-inspiring Kendra - reading it again...touching, incredibly meaningful, tugs at the heartstrings for sure!!!!

Debbi said...

Beautiful Kendra - Thank you for sharing the snapshot of your heart!!

HB said...

Kendra, reading this again affected me even more than the first time. You are so amazing! Thank you for sharing this - you may never know how much it affects others, but I can guarantee it will. Hugs to you!!

Val said...

Beautiful page, Kendra, and echoing Cindy, tugs at the heartstrings for sure! Hugs!

Heather said...

Absolutely beautiful page Kendra - in many ways! I love reading this because of your message - your honesty - and I can just hear you reading it along with me. I love you!

PJBstamper said...

I can't think of the words to describe the feelings this invokes! Thank you for sharing.

Julie/Rubbernecker said...

Kendra--that was beautiful and very inspiring. It's a testimony to learning to deal with and rising above whatever life throws at you. It will be a valuable lesson for your kids.

QC said...

This is beautiful, Kendra - because it comes from your heart.

Love you girlfriend! BIG hugs to you - every day!!

Prinny said...

Kendra ~ you are an amazing woman and this poem/essay is as beautiful as you are. I'm proud to be your friend! Love ya!

Dawn O (dostamping) said...

Hi Kendra -
I just found your blog today. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts/feelings on your experience. I think about you and miss you!

debbiedee said...

Kendra, this is beautiful! I am so glad you scrapped it. I still have all my journal notes from my brain tumor, but just haven't been able to scrap it yet. Maybe because I'm not "out of the woods" yet and I still don't trust my body to be "ok" (you know what I mean). You have inspired me though and when things slow down this month, maybe I can pull it out again and do something about it.
debbie

Pam/Iris said...

Love you Kendra!!

-Paris Otremba- said...

Kendra - Thanks for putting yourself out there. About 99% of the time, writting about our emotional pains... makes the pains feel a little less painfull. I hope writting this poem did that for you! I really do appreciate you sharing your emotions with us. I LOVE IT!
HUGS TO YOU!

beate said...

Kendra, what a beautiful page. Your poem made me cry...again!

Jenn said...

Kendra, this is so beautifully written. You are AMAZING.

Mo Moss said...

GOD Bless you. That is so inspiring. You certainly have a wonderful outlook on something that none of us have any control of. The right thing is that you know the LORD and that he will take care of you and you know that He is with you at all times. You are never, ever alone.

Kerry said...

Kendra,
I recently came across your blog, but I have saved many favorite card samples of yours from Stamper's Showcase.I love your work! I am going to let a friend of mine who has breast cancer know about this page so she can read it. She will be having surgery in a week.I am glad I came across it. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

Bonnie said...

What a beautiful page, thank you for writing such a wonderful piece. It is so easy to take so much for granted and today you made me think again about all that I have that is good.

Anonymous said...

Kendra-
I love it. It show how truly amazing you can be.

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